Passage 2
Oliver, CTO of a high-tech company, loved to participate in all conversations, regardless of topic. He was often the first to raise his hand for a project, appeared to have infinite capacity to get high-quality work done, and offered to assist his colleagues. Oliver seemed to be all-in, optimistic, energetic, supportive, and someone who constituted everyone.
However, the more Oliver participated, the more others around him were frustrated. Instead of sparking creatively in others, his ideas surpassed everyone else’s. He consumed time speaking in meetings, exhausting the oxygen level in the room. Oliver felt encouraged when his own ideas were adopted but frustrated by others’ lack of sufficient effort.
While the CEO appreciated Oliver’s yield, she recognized he had to change his approach to keep the rest of the team productive. Instead of improving his relationships with colleagues, Oliver robbed them of fulfillment by offering masses of ideas. They felt discouraged, interrupted, and excluded. To fix the issue, Oliver learned the value of asking two specific questions before offering his own ideas: “What have you thought of ?” and “What would be the most helpful for you at this point?”
When we over-participate, we believe that we're being helpful. However, “helpfulness” is defined by the recipient, not the giver. Surveying others’ need can decide on the best way to contribute: directly through our ideas, through coaching colleagues to create their own, or by building on what someone else has generated.